I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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