I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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