VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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