I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize