I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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