i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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