It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
