Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
