My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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