So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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