Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize