his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
