So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
