lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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