Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
