it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
