so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
