i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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