A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
