I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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