how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
