got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
