I bet he comes in French.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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