There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
