I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
