I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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