You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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