I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
