Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize