the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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