i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize