To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
