Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
