Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize