Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
