I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
