I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
cat food counts as protein by the way
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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