You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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