Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
