A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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