I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
