if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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