I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
