dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
