Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
false alarm, still single
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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