i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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