remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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