I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
