she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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