I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
