I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize