Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The air was thick with penises
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
