she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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