laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
