Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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