I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
