You really coming over, don't trick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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