she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
