All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
