So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize