Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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